Wyl focuses largely in my memories of today... Where have the years gone??? It just
seems like a week ago that he was Storm's age, snuggling with me, easy to toss and tickle, so uncomplicated... I see flashes of ages in Wyl constantly. Rarely, I can see that wee one, and often he is truly an 8 year old boy, but every once in a while, I can glimpse the man he will be someday, and more and more often, I can see the teenager in his face. I can also see the teenager he may become if I don't get my Ps and Qs in a row in our respectful parenting!! There are definitely times he is surly and almost belligerent. And while that seems so monumentally huge in the moment, there are little things that just wipe that away...
Like today, before I took Storm up for nap, Wyl said he was going to make a "4 meal sandwich": he was putting something from breakfast, lunch, dinner and desert into one sandwich. The beginning of the sandwich was whole wheat bread with cottage cheese and baked beans. Interesting. I told him that when I came back down from nap, he'd have to let me in on how it tasted. By the time it was done, it looked like a Dagwood and also had beets, wax beans, whipped cream and a waffle-I didn't ask what else there was... LOL He was very proud of his creation as he carried it in while we were going up, and later, I was amazed to see he left no trace of his meal prep!! I didn't ask him to clean up or not make a mess or anything!!
Apparently, he was in high spirits while we were upstairs... When I sat down after the boys were in bed and checked the voicemail, I found a silly, fun message (prank call?? LOL) from Wyl that was about a minute long-ending with, "Is your toilet running? *giggle* Then you better go catch it!!!!" with laughter trailing off into the distance as he hung up. :~D
It was a great cap to the evening, as I was in high spirits from his choice to lay down with me for a while before bed instead of watching Power Rangers!! We haven't lain down together in probably 2 weeks, and we certainly haven't had more than 5-10 minutes in... gosh, a long time.
So, as I lay thinking, I started realizing that I really lost "track" of Wyl about the time Storm was born. I don't know if that is a "common" thing, but it made me sad. In so many ways. I don't know if its all "divided time", all "growing up", or a combination, but I feel like I don't know him as well as I used to. I wondered if it might have been better not to try for Storm and aim for Wyl being an only child. (Not that I would change having Storm for the world! He makes our family complete... I just miss having Wyl to myself, IYKWIM) I thought about asking him if he thought having a little brother was a good thing over all, or a not good idea... but I really didn't want to hear the negative answer, so I didn't ask. Not that I regret Storm at ALL! Just that I wish I had longer life and longer time to be a mother, so that maybe I could have had them 10 years apart-or maybe longer... And still, I think I'd like one more... Parenting is hard in so many ways I could never have imagined. Sometimes I wish I could slow time. Or pause it. But that's a selfish wish... a hug/snuggle pause would be nice, though... Or being able to somehow bottle it, or fold it up and tuck it away with the soft cuddly blankets so I could take it out at a later date when I'm feeling in need of "Mama love"...
I know. I'm silly. Must be where my kids get it from. Come to think of it, it *has* to be where they get it from, because Dave is *not* silly. Fun, funny, happy, joking, yes-silly, no.
.... I guess I just have to be creative and figure out how to find more time to spend with my kids. Good time. Quality time. Do-it-now-'cause-they'll-be-gone-before-you-know-it time.
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