Tuesday, April 8

The dance of the journey

Is not dread of thirst when your well is full, thirst that is unquenchable?-Kahlil Gibran, mystic, poet, and artist (1883-1931)

So... Wyl and I talked about things today. How school is (in some, small ways), how traditional parenting can look, how friends can be torn between their parents and their friends when choices have to be made.... It was a good talk, and for a change I knew when to shut up and he didn't have to tell me!

Sometimes, Wyl gets glimpses into how different his life really is from a typical, schooled kid. Most times he has no idea. Sometimes I wonder if it would be better for him if he were blissfully unaware or if him knowing some of that just makes things easier for his parents... I've heard it referred to as a dance before and it really is. There is give and take, back and forth, harmony and synchronicity-and if someone missteps, it throws a chunk of things out of whack for a few beats. And the newer "dancer" you are, the longer things are out of whack and the tougher it is to find your place again. But, then too, I've yet to see a 4-partner dance! Dancing together with harmony and grace is tough enough with 2 people... could you imagine it with FOUR?? Granted, there is square dancing, but there are still 4 pairs of partners and I don't really see it as smooth and graceful. Maybe it is and I'm just remembering my gym class square dancing from 4th grade. :: grin ::

His empathy is starting to grow, I think. When Dave and I give him information on how others might feel, he has recently started asking why we are making him feel guilty. I'm not sure where to go from this point, as it rather took me aback the first time he said it, but I've started with the idea that no one but Wyl can make him feel something he doesn't want to feel. It feels lame and blame-passing, so I'll keep exploring other avenues. I know there's better things to say and do (or stop saying and/or doing), and we'll find it.

My "am I getting it?" angst is lessening. I'm feeling "groovy"er. It might be getting out and about and seeing folks and realizing how far we've come. It might be something someone said to me this week:

If you let them do their worst, you might find out that now that you're an adult, it's not as bad as you imagined it would be. The older and bigger you get, the older and smaller they get. If you keep acting and feeling like you're little and they're huge, you stay in the child role.

It was one of those epiphany moments. I get SO aggravated when I "know" (intellectually) something and then someone writes some words in the right way and I read them in the right frame of mind on the right day and then I KNOW (with my whole being) it. Why couldn't I KNOW it when the idea was first placed before me?! Grrrr.

At any rate, it's funny. Not "ha, ha" funny, though some might find it so... funny in that "things that make you go hmmmm" kind of way. When it was first presented to me, over two years ago, it made perfect sense that I was at *least* 50% responsible for my parents still treating me like a child. It made sense, and yet, for a long time before every meeting with them, I'd need to psyche myself up, do the "look in the mirror and repeat" and *tell* myself that I *was* an adult now... my little pep-talk, pre-parent mantra. And it didn't feel "affirming", it felt more like "girding" or armoring up.

Since that epiphany moment (after ingesting those words above), there were several moments of, "Yeah, alright!" and then I went on to other things as the moment settled into my subconscious. And yet, oddly enough, things have been different since then. I *feel* different. Not in a big way, not in a "marked" way. Very subtle-so subtle so as to be almost entirely unnoticeable. Life feels different. Micro-pleasantly. Like all those obvious markers of how far I've come in my respectful parenting, respectful *living* journey... they've *been* there, but now I *see* them. Kind of like when you notice for the first time how much your child has grown. He didn't grow in those 30 seconds you looked away. It happened so slowly over weeks and yet, *wow!* the "noticing" is sudden.

Drat. Interruptions always derail my train of thought (pardon the pun). Give me a moment to catch it again...

I wonder if everyone's journey looks like this. Not that it is important, just kind of pondering how else it could look, I guess. Possibly, since so many people know what I mean about suddenly noticing how your kid has grown. Maybe not, since my blog looks so different from others that I read regularly. Sometimes I look at those other blogs and wish mine read like those, but I'm sure that there are those of you reading *at this moment* who are saying, "NO! We like the way you write-don't change!!" Just like our individual unschooling journeys... if I changed to make it more like someone else's, it wouldn't be mine anymore.

And so the dance continues. Stumble, ramble, misstep, read, come together again and glide along to our own inner tunes.


hahamommy said...

Are Wyl and Hayden on the same path?? I've been getting the "guilt" question a lot lately, too... my knee-jerk response is always "No! Of course not!" when indeed his words force me to look at my motives - especially the unconscious ones - when I ask him questions (usually when I ask him to accompany me somewhere).
The subtle vibration changes are sometimes easier on me than the big "earthquake" vibration changes... when I recognize them! The big ones seem to come along because it's easy for me to ignore the little ones as not as important :D

De said...

*I* often wonder if they are on some cosmic across-the-country same-but-not-exactly-the-same path when I read *your* posts!

*Yes!* The small ones are easier... moreso because I think I tend to "push back" at the big ones, but the little ones just kind of whisper in my ear for a bit, letting my subconscious process a bit before the whispers finally make me *fully* aware. Then, in a way, it's already "part" of me... "part" of my psyche and so not entirely foreign... maybe "easier" to accept? Not sure-too early in the morning. ;~)

De said...

*Parallel*!! Parallel lives is what I wanted. That's what I get for trying to write as soon as I wake. LOL

MomMartinelli said...

This post reminded me of one of my favorite songs, Slow Dance More by Kenny Rogers. You should check it out! :o)

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Ren Allen said...

I didn't even know you had a blog until today....man am *I* slow.

I love the picture of Scott and Wyl dancing. That's awesome. I need to go dig out my old ARGH photos and see if I have any!

Great thoughts too....glad I finally noticed that link under your signature. Duh.