I had a horrid "meeting" with my parents Saturday.
Without going into immense detail and history, lots of things happened with my controlling, domineering mother (with my father following in her wake) and my family, mainly about mine and Dave's parenting (or lack thereof in THEIR eyes), we took an extended "vacation" from visiting them, and ended up in a family counselor's office; things went much more "our" way than my parents expected or wanted. I suspect that is the *main* reason they cancelled the sessions, but they *were* expensive and that was the reason they gave US for discontinuing. While discussing this change in plans, they agreed to the 3 of us (my parents and me) having continued meetings to further discuss things and situations and try to resolve some of the ongoing conflict. [Look at that! I summed it up in ONE paragraph! One SHORT paragraph!! I am SO proud and amazed!! LOL]
Okay, the first meeting went more smoothly than I expected and even though I was so, so nervous without a "moderator" and there were tears and upheaval, it still turned out pretty well, and we all agreed to another meeting soon. Things came up and schedules got busy and when I next mentioned another meeting, I got, "ANOTHER meeting?.... Well, we don't really have anything else to discuss... do YOU?" I should have known... So, schedules got full again and by the time the second meeting actually HAPPENED, it was around 3 months after the first.
(Shoot. I've forgotten the original point I wanted to mull here!) So, we met at Denny's, they ate, I wasn't hungry-nor did I want a bunch of greasy food sitting on my belly while I was trying to convey my point of view to a couple of deaf brick walls. ;~) It did not go well. It even got to the point where I was afraid we were going to be yelling at each other in the restaurant. (we didn't) My mother had asked for a list of books to read so that she could "see where we were coming from" in a parenting standpoint. From what I can tell, she really just wanted the list of books that I had given the counselor-which would be different than any books I'd recommend my parents read, anyhow. When I gave her the 2 books I had gotten recommended from my radical unschooling mentors, the point came up that I hadn't read them yet, but that I intended to. She was quite adamant that she wasn't going to read any books that I hadn't read myself, even though they were recommended by the people who have gotten us to this point in our parenting and I trust their recommendations implicitly. There was even a DVD they could watch together! So, anyway, basically we went round and round on "you don't really know me" (from my mother), "children NEED discipline" and a huge go-round on thanksgiving/family/preparation and hard work/showing appreciation. I did not foresee most of the "subject matter" beforehand, and my brain does not think well "on its feet" while in confrontation, so all my good answers came to me on the ride home. Sigh...
Basically, my mother thinks she can tell me that my ideas and my parenting are "wrong". Not "wrong for you" or "wrong for some people" or "wrong for me", just WRONG. :~P They both bring up stuff that "might" happen because of my parenting. When I say that we can't really discuss it until they understand some about how we're parenting and that is in the books, mother refuses to read them. (My Dad won't read much of anything) When I say that reading them could help alleviate some of her concern/worry she says she's NOT concerned or worried!! And it starts all over again.... I am SOOOOOO frustrated!!!!!!
They also just don't GET the point that they still treat me like a child-that I am an exception to every other adult they know. They make up stories and LIE about suggested scenarios or things that we remember differently just to MAKE THEIR POINTS. Basically, they expect all the obedience and "good for them" stuff from me that they'd expect from a child but none of the "good for me" stuff of being an adult. Did that make sense? I don't think so... I'd really like to go into the Thanksgiving part of it, but its really just too long and too much venting for this late.
So, at any rate, I've been jotting down thoughts as they come to me these past few days and will compose a "wrap up" reply probably this weekend. Not that it will likely make any difference, because I'm nearly 30 years younger than they are and thus my experiences, thoughts and knowledge don't count when they conflict with theirs'. But I'll have my say. I also have to call the counselor and see if he'll do freebies for us... Or something ridiculously cheap like 25 bucks a visit. Like my life isn't complicated enough without having to hold my mother's hand and lead her kicking and screaming along a path she doesn't want to go on, but in order for my kids to have the grandparents they adore in their lives, she HAS to go on.... :~P
Likely more on this (sooner rather than) later....
Wednesday, November 29
Monday, November 20
My thoughts for the day...
My goodness! So many unschooling-affirming things have been happening in the last couple months. Work has left me with no time to blog, so I've neglected this a lot, but I have a little time today... probably not enough for all I have to say! LOL I was sending myself little notes to refer to when I got around to blogging, but I can't seem to locate them, so I'll see if I can edit at a later time... or maybe I'll just save it as draft until next I have time for posting!
I know that one thing that stuck out in my mind was a point where Wyl (7) asked what direction the earth turned in. Dave answered and Wyl then said, "So, if I walked *this* way (demonstrating the direction he'd be walking on the earth), then I wouldn't go anywhere..." (Meaning that he'd be walking against the earth like a treadmill or escalator). Wow. What realm would that be in-physics? I thought that was an amazing insight. Dave said that the world traveled too fast for that to actually happen, but I commented that it was a super idea and I thought it was very clever. We're both (Dave and I) still working on the "waiting before giving more/too much information" stuff. :~)
Storm (2 a few weeks ago) is still not clear in his speech, but is a great communicator, none-the-less. One of his favorite "games" is naming alphabet letters and most of his favorite books are about the letters. Though he loves "Mr. Brown Can Moo" a lot, too! :~D .... Drat. There was something that really stood out in my mind that he showed us recently, but I can't remember it.
I've had a constant headache for the last 2 days. I've never had a headache for HALF a day before, so this is testing my patience.
OOOH! I know!! Wyl again-he had gotten his allowance and was at the store with Dave last week when he remembered that I had commented a few days before that I had a "taste for" an Almond Joy. Did he remind Dave of that? Did he suggest Dave buy one for them to bring home to me? Nope. He bought the candy bar and brought it home for me! There were so many conflicting emotions that I had... embarrassment that he spent a chunk of his "small" allowance for something I didn't "need" AND that I could buy myself, surprise, some weird feeling I don't know what to call that had something to do with being on the receiving end of "giving for the joy of it", and joy and pride that my oldest son is thoughtful and sharing and selfless. At least some times. ;~)
Then, two nights ago, Wyl *without prompting, suggestion, asking, etc.* chose to start picking things up in the living room! He picked toys up off the floor and lined up the bins they go in and made a game out of tossing them into the right bins. He very carefully and painstakingly wound up all the game controller cords and put the consoles and the controllers very neatly away in the entertainment center. He very carefully and neatly made up his "bed" on the couch. He did all this without commenting or drawing my attention to what he was doing. I thanked him hugely for that.
BWC has Dave on this huge workload... The doctor that was seeing him wrote in the chart that he was "not improving" and so BWC takes that as he's as better as he's going to get instead of allowing him to get the surgery the previous doctor had recommended. So, now they're saying he has to go back to work, filling out 15 applications a week. That's very hard, since offices are open about 8-5 and I have to leave for work at 2. Not to mention that they give NO allowances for interviews (he has a 3 hour one scheduled for Wednesday), and NO allowances for holidays like Thanksgiving and the Friday after Thanksgiving when there are few-if any-offices open. And even if there WERE, the hiring personelle are unlikely to be in, anyhow. Bleah. With all that on our plates, we have no time for working out the business plan for the welding place, the gift-giving holidays are fast approaching and things are hectic and crazy. We did get to have a nice afternoon yesterday, as we went out to Olive Garden with one of Dave's friends-from-the-past that he recently got in contact with again. He had a really good time and I got bits and pieces of adult conversation in between Storm's newfound desire to climb all over me and then get down and lie in the middle of the floor looking at the ceiling... LOL
I know that one thing that stuck out in my mind was a point where Wyl (7) asked what direction the earth turned in. Dave answered and Wyl then said, "So, if I walked *this* way (demonstrating the direction he'd be walking on the earth), then I wouldn't go anywhere..." (Meaning that he'd be walking against the earth like a treadmill or escalator). Wow. What realm would that be in-physics? I thought that was an amazing insight. Dave said that the world traveled too fast for that to actually happen, but I commented that it was a super idea and I thought it was very clever. We're both (Dave and I) still working on the "waiting before giving more/too much information" stuff. :~)
Storm (2 a few weeks ago) is still not clear in his speech, but is a great communicator, none-the-less. One of his favorite "games" is naming alphabet letters and most of his favorite books are about the letters. Though he loves "Mr. Brown Can Moo" a lot, too! :~D .... Drat. There was something that really stood out in my mind that he showed us recently, but I can't remember it.
I've had a constant headache for the last 2 days. I've never had a headache for HALF a day before, so this is testing my patience.
OOOH! I know!! Wyl again-he had gotten his allowance and was at the store with Dave last week when he remembered that I had commented a few days before that I had a "taste for" an Almond Joy. Did he remind Dave of that? Did he suggest Dave buy one for them to bring home to me? Nope. He bought the candy bar and brought it home for me! There were so many conflicting emotions that I had... embarrassment that he spent a chunk of his "small" allowance for something I didn't "need" AND that I could buy myself, surprise, some weird feeling I don't know what to call that had something to do with being on the receiving end of "giving for the joy of it", and joy and pride that my oldest son is thoughtful and sharing and selfless. At least some times. ;~)
Then, two nights ago, Wyl *without prompting, suggestion, asking, etc.* chose to start picking things up in the living room! He picked toys up off the floor and lined up the bins they go in and made a game out of tossing them into the right bins. He very carefully and painstakingly wound up all the game controller cords and put the consoles and the controllers very neatly away in the entertainment center. He very carefully and neatly made up his "bed" on the couch. He did all this without commenting or drawing my attention to what he was doing. I thanked him hugely for that.
BWC has Dave on this huge workload... The doctor that was seeing him wrote in the chart that he was "not improving" and so BWC takes that as he's as better as he's going to get instead of allowing him to get the surgery the previous doctor had recommended. So, now they're saying he has to go back to work, filling out 15 applications a week. That's very hard, since offices are open about 8-5 and I have to leave for work at 2. Not to mention that they give NO allowances for interviews (he has a 3 hour one scheduled for Wednesday), and NO allowances for holidays like Thanksgiving and the Friday after Thanksgiving when there are few-if any-offices open. And even if there WERE, the hiring personelle are unlikely to be in, anyhow. Bleah. With all that on our plates, we have no time for working out the business plan for the welding place, the gift-giving holidays are fast approaching and things are hectic and crazy. We did get to have a nice afternoon yesterday, as we went out to Olive Garden with one of Dave's friends-from-the-past that he recently got in contact with again. He had a really good time and I got bits and pieces of adult conversation in between Storm's newfound desire to climb all over me and then get down and lie in the middle of the floor looking at the ceiling... LOL
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